10 Filipino Politicians You Forgot Were Once Hunks

judge me not

10. Antonio Trillanes IV

                                           

                                     Take me to Manila Pen and show me your guns

                               

9. Sonny Angara

                                                           APECO all over me pls

8.       Migs Zubiri

                    

                                  Too hot he had to quit the senate

7. Gringo Honasan              

                                                          Gimme a taste of your junta

 6. Chiz Escudero

                                             This made-in-China Bamboo replica will do

5. Bongbong Marcos

                                 

                                His chinito beauty violates my human rights

 4. Juan Ponce Enrile

              

                                          

                               Before he was a crypt keeper, he was a hunk

                           

       

3. JC Delos Reyes

                  

                                     No one knows who he is… but does it really matter?               

2.   Joseph Ejercito Estrada                                    

                                       Now that explains how he won so many wives

1. Isko Moreno 

That

Evolutionary theories manifest in my use of vices. Perhaps it's the poverty introduced by sintax, the inception of Pallmall or the unpleasant Philippine heat that has caused this atrocity. All I know is, I am a menthol person again.

Celebrating the First SIN TAX Bill Anniversary: Another year, Another Chance for the Government to Bully Smokers

 To My Beloved Government,

I have a few hours to kill until I wave farewell to 2013, and here I am smoking my last cigarette for the year. Welcoming the New Year has always been a blast for me, but now it has to come with so much anguish as it is now no longer just goodbyes to the year departing, but also a farewell to my hard earned cash. It’s the second New Year’s Eve that I am feeling this twinge of regret for once again failing to stock up by going on a cigarette hoard spree before the due price hike. Nevertheless, the bitterness in this letter is rooted from reasons beyond my starving wallet’s inability to provide for my nicotine desires. I am writing you this letter in behalf of all the affected consumers who have been bullied by your money-grabbing scumbag policy.  

I will not even bring up how you stepped on our right to choose our own lifestyle. That argument is crass and I have no qualms with that at all. Smoking has always been a problem with rising urgency, yielding countless detriments to both smokers and non-smokers--and it is your job as government to minimize this incident as much as possible. This isn’t even a point of dispute, as I find this completely right and acceptable. But that is still beside the point. I still have so much to say. As ideal as your framework appears, there are still million reasons why your plan just doesn’t work.

First of all, thank you for masking your money making desires through the façade of ratifying a law with principal urgency, which are, in accordance to your bill: to be able to look out for the health of these consumers by discouraging them from purchasing these “sin” products, and to garner more funds needed to cater to our country’s developing needs--which your fictional Daang Matuwid platform labels as “ key development areas.” Indeed, there is nothing wrong with trying to achieve both goals. I just can’t help but wonder, how do you expect us to believe that this extra amount we spend for our vices really do contribute to the development of these areas? With countless tax thieving issues emerging left and right (With Napoles’ famous Pork Barrel Scam as only one of the many) how are we to see the earnestness behind the goal points of your Sin Tax policy implementation?

There have been multiple times when I have witnessed the front page of our papers lamenting over the missing revenue garnered from the SINTAX bill. For some reason, I can’t seem to find any of these articles online. I’m not accusing anyone of manipulating media, but I am sure that I saw what I saw—and what I saw, I saw more than once. Thank you for using our vice as another excuse to extort citizens. There is a proper place and time to levy taxes, and that is only when the extra revenue would truly end up in key development areas, as oppose to landing in the obese pockets of our very sympathetic politicians. If you would tell me that our nation’s wellbeing always remained at the core of this policy, and that vast corruption was just another inevitable side effect in this means towards a healthier end, then I’m sorry but you are a terrible government. And if you are terrible as a government, you have no right to milk out the opportunity of having a vice-inclined populace by taxing them heavily for it.

 I am very tired of all these seemingly sincere and flawless frameworks that offer endless loopholes for government officials. When opportunities for taxation and extortion arise, the government is omnipresent. All Pacquiao needed to do was opt against joining the administration’s party, and presto, another impetus for you guys to tax him a hefty amount of 2 Billion (which is, take note, almost greater than what he earns per fight. Regardless of all his sponsorships, how again could that great amount make up his taxes? If I am not mistaken, income tax only comprises more or less 30% of total earnings. The moment citizens noticed how questionable 30 Billion is, BIR presented their facts, admitting that 50% of the amount was purely supplement collections disguised as due interest. Wonderful.) But then again, I digress. Back to my point: When opportunity for revenue arises, government is ubiquitous, but during the times that really matter (case in point: Yolanda, and a million more) our beloved government suddenly goes missing.

Since we have brought up Yolanda, it is about time we point out how your bill’s credibility vastly decreased after this massive tragedy. I find the feasibility of your statement declaring that “the funds garnered from the levied taxes would likewise be used to bolster our national healthcare” to be very questionable, seeing how you cannot even manage to provide for your affected areas. How much donations, both cash and in kind, did you squander while your citizens from Tacloban starved and died? Let’s stop the fooling. I know you have enough funds to at least make better the situation. But if during a very urgent tragedy, you cannot even provide ample health services, how do you expect us to believe that PhilHealth and all your crass health care plans will be bolstered by Sin Tax? Insofar as your officials will continue to pocket a massive chunk of the national budget, no amount of taxation would ever alleviate our poor country’s condition.

We haven’t quit at all.

I think I have smuggling to thank for that.

It’s been pretty clear how this policy has done nothing more than lower the sales of the higher bracket cigarettes. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that cigarettes are inelastic needs, at least for those of us whose wellbeing are really on the line. In the same light, most market actors are wise enough to maneuver their way around your policy. All we need to do is to acquaint our taste to a downgraded brand, and we are good to go. Even the poorest of smokers have yet to quit, or even decrease at all. As of the inception of this bill, cheaper and cheaper cigarettes have flooded our market. Smuggled cigarettes (costing about P1.00/stick) have been patronized instead. And you do know that when we spend less, we tend to smoke more? Right?

                                                 

Whereas I am very certain that a lot of you would question my knowledge and opinions regarding this matter, as I would not know more than a nineteen year old who has invested several months following whatever is released regarding the bill, please please please do not shun my opinions. I believe my thoughts matter, as I have only garnered what I know from public documents and the press and media statements made available. My thoughts, therefore, represent what most of the affected consumers believe, based on the raw information you have left us to process.

Now that I have said my piece, I will now spend what’s left of this year to hoard whatever sari-sari store remains open at this time.

Have a Happy New Year and enjoy smoking all the expensive tobaccos that only you could afford!

With love,

B

It's that time of the day when I wish I chose the hard way out

This is unfair, so unfair 

To you

I'm sorry

A Letter from Pupu to Her Estranged Father

Hi Dad!

        This Bianca lady has taught me how to write and speak in English with astounding fluency. She still has the copy of your English 12 research paper draft murdered with red ink by that Ensomo lady. I've skimmed through it and am now equipped to say that, despite being a kitten, I have better mastered the language, if in a shameful comparison to my estranged father.

       Life without you has been quite turbulent. First, this lunatic Bianca locks me in an old empty house that reeks of cigarette butts and dead relatives. She was under the illusion that I preferred dog food over what was really meant for my species. . Her series of stupidity lasted a week: Everyday she'd walk around the house screaming "Pupu" attempting her best imitation of your voice and idiotic accent. I laughed as I watched her at her wit's end, looking through every single nook and cranny of that big smelly dump she forced me to believe was home. She left me locked in with nothing but dog food and ghosts to interact with--the least I could do was give her a horrible time looking for me. That lunatic was so worried, it reached a point where she even invited a bunch of smoking losers to help her look around that giant dump hoping their sub-par hunting could outskill my feline abilities. Dumb ass. 

    After a week, your dumb ass lunatic ex finally decided to take me to her house. I met a bunch of even dumber creatures there. I received a pleasant welcome from this friendly hairy creature that looks like the hybrid of Hagrid and a feather duster. I think his name is Stalag, I'm not sure. He kept sniffing my pink butt as if he were waiting for me to shit some Alpo or something. He had a tiny wife who just kept lying down on the couch with her tongue out. She was so ugly I'm not even shocked by how attracted he is to my pink cat butt. They were pleasant creatures. Stupid--but pleasant. 

  Dad, I will cut through my bullshit memoirs and proceed to my important news: I think I've found the alleged murderers of my brother. The moment I entered your lunatic ex's room, I could already smell their pheromones all over the place. I have no proof that these really are the ones who killed Socrates, but somewhere in my tiny kitten gut, I feel it. I just know. I really wanted to jump on them and scratch their eyeballs out, but they were so much bigger than me. Oh and did I mention, these murder suspects are really really beautiful. I'm not sure, I think I've seen them on television once. They really look like leading actors in Puss N' Boots. Their fame and beauty make my pursuit for justice ten times more difficult. If I take any action now, I fear that all the neighborhood cats would come for their defense. So I guess right now I just have to settle with peeing and pooping on everything they own. I have slowly marked the whole second floor as my territory and am winning the love of every person in this house. Would you believe me if I told you that even the John guy with a mustache now adores me too? I learned from the best, thanks dad.

One more thing, another reason I'm writing to you apart from updating you on my justice hunt and letting you realize how stupid my foster mother is, I also want you to know that I'm very alarmed by your recent facebook status. Is it true that you're even considering not coming back for me? Please rethink your decision and get me out of here, ASAP.

With much love and falling fur,

Pupu

13 Things I've Learned from 3 Horrible Semesters of Political Science

13 Things I've Learned from 3 Horrible Semesters of Political Science

I'm halfway through my junior year and I think I'm about to faint. I'm surprised I haven't yet.

1. A great RRL can never be done in one day
Contrary to your ego's belief, your crammed RRL isn't that great. Just because you worked hard for it, doesn't mean it's any great. And besides, a fruit of an all nighter isn't a fruit of hard work--it's a fruit of cramming.

2. Love what you are doing
If you find yourself out of love and filled with aversion for all those damn theories, question your decision to be in this course. If it still doesn't work, try harder. Force it. Watch news as much as you can; it will get you interested. It's a great orgasmy feeling when you watch TV and suddenly apply your class theories to the issues. Whoo-pieee-dooo!

3. Beadle for your hatest class
Nope, the best part of beadling isn't the "one letter grade up" myth. Some professors don't believe in giving the beadle extra credit so don't count on that. What's surprisingly beautiful about beadling is how you find yourself burdened with responsibilities beyond your own grade's sake and are now forced to actually go to class. You will be compelled to know when all the tests are and when all your homeworks are due. Another bonus is that you'll have access to everyone's grades when you're tasked to keep or distribute the returned tests. It helps to know where your current grade stands in your class.

4. Do not ever try to converse with a Lit major about your theories or with a Philo major about your philosophers.
Everything is the same, but everything is different. Just because they're both called Realism, doesn't necessarily mean they're the same thing. And no, don't every try to converse with anyone else about your readings. I'm sorry but no one else knows Kenneth Waltz, Hans Morgenthau and Deborah Yashar. Just you.

5. MECO people invest in stocks, we invest in vocabulary.
When you read too much ThoughtCatalog, you end up sounding like a menstruating hormonal peaking fifteen year old going through her life's biggest heartbreak. When you watch too much Jersey Shore, you end up sounding like...well, a ditz.(Also: I think I've spent too much time Buzzfeeding, it explains why I am now blogging in a didactive ordinal form now) The same principle stands for class. When you read enough class readings... hopefully you will end up sounding like a polsci major. Read as much of your readings as you can (without dying) If you do so, you'll notice after a whileyou'd sound a little bit more scholarly (or a little bit more boring, but still, scholarly) with very minimal effort. Immerse yourself in political science jargon and before you know it, the boring, I mean, scholarly, language will come naturally

6. Always cite your sources ASAP
 It doesn't really matter if it's just a draft. Making notecards will forever be the bane of everyone's existence. Use post its or in-text it to make sure you won't confuse the different authors. If you don't, you will regret. Your teachers DO CHECK your citations, even when you don't turnitin.

7. Make friends with upperclassmen from your department, form your course and from your program.
They will make everything easier for you. And of course, studying is more fun with a smarter older more experienced friend. (Thank you Richmond, Yoj and Loree. You guys make my life so much easier)

8.  DO NOT EVER view your course as merely a means to an end, or a stepping stone to lawschool or your political career. 
Polisci is your end. Brainwash self. Repeat 200x or else all your work will be half-assed half-baked with a really crappy bibliography.

9. Always, always, always schedule for consultation
When you feel like your paper is excellent, think again. IT'S NOT. It probably even sucks. You will always always always have an error you'd fail to notice, even if you review your paper one hundred thousand times everyday. Working hard for your paper doesn't make it infallible.

10. When National Bookstore goes down to 80% off, run to the polsci books right away 
No one wants to buy them so they're really cheap. I think they go down to 50 pesos sometimes. You don't have to be a pretentious prick and pretend to actually read them. Just allow them to dust up on your shelf because one they those books will come in handy, and that long ass walk to the library to meet the two-books-per-bibliography-requirement will no longer be imperative.

11. Every class is a role-playing gig.
When your professor is a Marxist, you enter the class adapting a Marxist frame of thought. When your professor is a statistician, tell yourself that surveys are fun. You can refute them a little, but not too much to brew up tension and a dead zeal.

12. When you have to NOT SLEEP, don't sleep. 
It's better to be sleepy and hungover from coffee for a day than to have failed to pass a paper, and have your QPI haunted for the rest of your college life. If you are drunk, drink coffee, puke it out and drink more coffee (or just don't get drunk) As James Bond has said "There is plenty of time to sleep when you're dead" (...or when there's nothing to read..but really, when does this even occur?)

13. Last, and most importantly: You are not stupid. You are just lazy
READ YOUR READINGS. If they were meant to be skimmed through, they probably would've been called skimmings. BUT THEY'RE NOT. Readings are called readings for a reason.

I haven't really been procrastinating this semester. In fact, I've been trapped in the hardcore workzone for the past three weeks, I just can't seem to understand why I still have so much to do. I've done my calculations: For me to make it through this semester and pass with flying colors, I need to cut my sleep down to 3 hours per night for the next five days.

Bianca, study. Bianca, work. Bianca, research. Do it for no one else but yourself. Do it for your retention. Do it for ASOG. Do it because you want to be like Val.

NOW GET BACK 2WERK